PSA for Working Moms During COVID: Work on your emotional intelligence

Hey mama. I know that this is just one more thing added to your already overflowing plate. I know that all of this (kids, work, homeschooling, social distancing, mask wearing, school/no school, elections, injustice, human trafficking; basically the world in general…) can seem terribly overwhelming, even debilitating, right now. Especially when there’s no end in sight. But I’m here to tell you that there is a way you can work on making life more manageable for you.

Work on your emotional intelligence.

What Is Emotional Intelligence

Your broad form definition of emotional intelligence is learning how to assess, harness and manage your emotions and the emotions of others. Sounds pretty straight forward, right? Well that little definition has a whole lot packed into it.

Your basic EI structure will look like this:

1. Assess and identify what you are feeling and why
2. Harness those emotions and feelings for a productive purpose
3. Manage your emotions by regulation

Example:

Sara (the fictitious example lady) is a mom of 2 toddlers. She’s been working from home for the past 6 months along with her husband. Working is a struggle when having to manage the kids and she fears her boss is becoming increasingly annoyed with her situation. She can’t take her kids to the park or the zoo or even to the pool to get their energy out. The whole family is starting to get a little anxious and frustrated because of the close quarters they’ve all been in for months on end. Not to mention how crazy and depressing the news is day in and out with death toll numbers, crazy politicians, riots and child trafficking. Sara is starting to feel the effects of all the stress, worry, frustration and annoyance that this season has brought.

But… the human trafficking situation is really sticking with her, she just can’t seem to shake the feelings of sadness, disgust and anger. Especially since she has young kids. That’s the tip of her iceberg. She’s starting to fall into a negative emotional cycle.

Sara is able to recognize that she’s sliding into these depressed feelings. So she runs a mental self-audit:

What are my emotions and why are they happening?

• Sad, angry, disgusted and bordering depressed. I know a lot of these feelings are compounded from the past few months but all of this trafficking information that’s circulating is really weighing on me.

How can I shift these emotions in a productive way?

• I can educate myself and others and I can find a way to volunteer or give resources.

How can I regulate my emotions and the emotions of others?

• Instead of focussing on all the terrible things I cannot control, I will focus on the things that I can control. While it doesn’t change my feelings on the matter, focusing on making an impact will allow me to harness and use those emotions for a purpose and not to my detriment.

The fictitious Sara had a lot on her plate. Sara is all of us.

She came across one more thing that just tipped her over the edge into that negative space. What has that iceberg been for you? Is it cranky kids? Is it your annoyed boss? Is it your stressed spouse? Is it a financial hit you took? Is it fear?

Whatever your tipping point may be, when you fall into that space of negativity or into volatile emotions, ask yourself these 3 questions in order:

1. What are my emotions and why are they happening?
2. How can I shift my emotions in a productive way?
3. How can I regulate my emotions and the emotions of others?

We as women get pegged with the title, “emotional” in a negative context all the time. We can have very high highs and very low lows. And I’m here to tell you that that is NOT a bad thing. However, if you’re going to have those highs and lows, you NEED to know how to regulate them.

I think that motherhood is one of the greatest tests of emotional intelligence. Think about it; if you can ignore the blood curdling screams of a toddler you just told “no” while answering emails and getting on with your life… You’re on the fast track to emotional intelligence mastery and you don’t even realize it. You got this, mama.

So In Quick Summary (for my skimmers)

1. Get in your feels. Get to the root cause of what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it.
2. Get honest with yourself: Are your feelings valid?
3. Get productive: shift negative emotions into productive or impactful outcomes.
4. Focus your energy on things that you CAN control and let go of the rest.